Thursday, August 4, 2011

Suppose one were to wrong another. Suppose one were to take that person's former body and wear it. Suppose one were to have led another down a false path.

There are excuses, yes. There are mitigating factors. But mitigating factors: do they make the victim less victimized? Do they help them understand? Do they, in the dark of the night, calm the sweat of remembered nightmares?

I rather think not.

So I owe Ciarente. I owe her, because I believed in Sansha. I owe her as I owe Taisa, as I owe others, as I owe the State and the Caldari people. I owe all of them, because I betrayed them for an ideal that was a lie.

Judgement may be mistaken. Beliefs may be mistaken. But others as well as ourselves pay for our mistakes. It is not enough to simply admit guilt. One must try to restore. To rectify. To make whole what was broken. If one can.

I hope I can.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

[RECORDING]

[SOME CONTENT REDACTED]

Vikarion > Mr. Hakatain?

Stitcher > Good morning, Vikarion

Vikarion > Good morning.

Vikarion > I've heard a few rumors going around, and I saw that our little "project" was leaked. I never did hear about what happened with that after I gave Ixiris the components from my Phantasm

Vikarion > I was wondering exactly what happened, and what the consequences were?

Stitcher > discontinued as non-viable. the IFF implants turned out to contain failsafes that ensured that they wouldn't boot unless the brain they were implanted in was fully alive and conscious

Vikarion > So there were no consequences to the revelation?

Stitcher > None pertaining to the Incursions, no. The True Slave was given a funeral and cremation.

Stitcher > the project was closed. You should have found the parts from your Phantasm were returned to your staff for storage or reintegration

Vikarion > I see. Interesting. And no worries, there.

Vikarion > I've also heard through the grapevine that you've been talking with Miss Roth. Is she well?
Stitcher > She's expecting twins, and quite looking forward to meeting them

Vikarion > That's wonderful.

Vikarion > How did she react to your involvement in the project?

Stitcher > She... didn't take it well, but I don't think she hates me too much, considering I was round her place the other night.

Stitcher > Camille's been learning Tastoitsu and I sparred with her, for instructional purposes

Vikarion > I rather suspected. I've been trying to find a way to tell her I'm sorry, but it's difficult to convey my sincerity, or even if I should try

Stitcher > I had a hell of a job convincing Amieta to let me talk to her.

Stitcher > And no offense, but I've not quite made the same blunder you once did. She was ice cold with me, I think you'd be in danger of frostbite.

Vikarion > Amieta? I don't think Amieta would be my problem.

Stitcher > She sees herself as Cia's protector

Stitcher > and with that attitude and those arms, you can't really argue
Vikarion > Hmm.

Vikarion > What would you do, in my position?

Vikarion > Ignoring the problem is not in my nature

Stitcher > I tell you what, how about I contact Commander Invelen and discuss the matter with her. She might be marginally less hostile to the idea if it comes from me.

Stitcher > No promises though, I can't imagine the suggestion would be too popular with her even under ideal circumstances

Vikarion > Please don't do that.

Vikarion > I think it would be better to handle the problem with the party involved.

Stitcher > I'm not about to take it to Cia

Vikarion > I think I should simply write her a letter of apology

Vikarion > She can take it from there, if she wants to contact me.

Vikarion > What do you think?

Stitcher > my very strong recommendation is that you contact Commander Invelen first

Vikarion > I see. Well, thank you for your advice.

Stitcher > for the simple reason that if you go behind her back, she'd quite likely be out to rip your arms off

Vikarion > Oh, she's had that attitude towards me pretty much ever since she's known me, I'm afraid.

Stitcher > right, right. Not a good idea to make it worse then

Vikarion > Indeed.

Vikarion > On the other hand, if that is the case, there is no point to the effort at all.

Stitcher > well, you either come up against an unreceptive but not unreasonable guardian

Stitcher > or you REALLY piss her off.

Stitcher > look, Ami was furious with me immediately after the release, but she got over it

Stitcher > and for all you know, she may be filtering Cia's messages

Vikarion > That's true

Vikarion > Well, I will do as you suggest.

Stitcher > probably for the best

Vikarion > She was never caught up in the Sansha thing as much as I was, and we were never that deep.

Vikarion > But I can see her blaming herself for it. She blamed herself for quite a few things while she was still at White Rose.

Vikarion > Thank you for your help, Mr. Hakatain

Stitcher > you're welcome.

Vikarion > Uaaka


Monday, December 6, 2010

Well now, it's been a while.

After all those accounts of hackings on the IGS, I scrubbed my account. It was the right thing to do, I suppose, not letting everyone see how close I came to the edge of Sansha-dom. But then, I've told quite a few people anyway.

It's all the cluster is talking about now - the Sansha, the invasions, the abductions. And yes, they are serious. I do worry. But I took a few months off to get my family packed off to a deadspace area, and, really, what more can I do?

I'm reluctant to get involved, not merely because others might suspect I'm still on the wrong side, but also because of all the rather, well, wrong I did. Because of my actions, I nearly destroyed myself, I caused the death of someone I loved, and I aided enemies of mankind. Not to mention harming Ciarente, mutilating Fisk, and perhaps there are things I don't remember.

Memory therapy can suppress those things that aren't mine, but it can't bring back the pieces I lost. I should be grateful the the damage is as little as it is.

I miss LDIS, but I realize that I wasn't able to give them the consistent dedication needed. Hopefully the investments I left behind will be...useful. I don't think I'll ask for anything back. In the end, it's just ISK, and I'd rather have the friendships and contacts I made.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"Another consolidation?"

"Indeed. It's been quite a massive amount of ISK. Hope it's worth it"

"What about the other company?"

"Fell through. Don't worry, we don't need them."

"You didn't need these either."

"Speak for yourself. "

"Was Revenent a problem?"

"The Gallente-loving bastard didn't have a choice."

"Gallente-loving bastard? Is that what you call your new comrades?"

"Heh."

"Some would take that as a serious insult. You should be more careful."

"To the hells with them. I won this one."

"Was it even a fight?"

"Everything's a fight."

"And Celeste?"

"What about her?"

"What's she hiding?"


"She's doing things in Providence. Building things. Or selling them."

"For Nation?

"No. And other than that, who cares?"

"Anything else?"

"Don't know, yet."

"Ah."

"...You done?"

"You've done well for us, you know."

"Oh, go fu-"

"We mean it. We can't give you anything, but you've done much."

"Lost much, too, you realize."

"We know. Thought we'd lost you in Syndicate."

"I needed a break."

"The Angels still like you. It's been very helpful."

"Indeed."

"Uaaka."

"Uaaka."